His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize