It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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