i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
