1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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