i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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