"it" just moved
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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