thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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