what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
