fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
my being single is dangerous.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
