these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
