What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
