She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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