I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
