Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
