soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
