guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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