y did u give ur computer a hand job?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
