Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
