After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
