At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
