my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
