People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
