i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Rumble strips road head = magical
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize