Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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