Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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