I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize