An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
