Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
