P.S. I can't hear my feet
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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