I'm eating all of the evidence.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
