I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize