I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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