Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
