omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
