guys are only as good as the porn they watch
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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