Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Girls should come with a carfax report
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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