found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize