How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
