You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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