he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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