how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
