Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
