Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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