I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
