Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
