hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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