and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
wow bdsm is so cute
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