as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize