Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
