i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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