Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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