at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
