I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
