He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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