How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
