Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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