I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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