You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
