How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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