Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
