I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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