Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
