Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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