It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
