wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
