Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Dignity is for republicans.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
